vocation

I thought it will be a good vocation , i do not know what destiny hide for me , I phoned him two weeks ago for arrange what we will do in the holidays .
At the first night we made love as we never did before , But when i went out of shower , i saw him cry like a baby wanna his ma .
I thought it was for something stupid i did .
At the second night , He refuse to make any kind of love even such a small kiss , NOP , I do not why and his treat with me changed completely why , For what reason , What i did to deserve all this treatment , We became like strangers live in the same flat , Share the same bed , We not become lovers anymore .
At night , I woke up as usually , Looking for him in the flat , Did not found him , But i found that letter from the time i saw it , I felt there is something wrong .

Sorry my love , I made a two mistakes and i will punish myself because i deserve it , It is time to die in the time you will read it i will be in the first place i saw you trying to die . Last week after our fight , I was in mess dunno what to do so i just caught a boy from Al -tahrir and we spent the night together after that i did not feel okay , So i make aids test and all that time waiting for the result and only know it after our sex yesterday , I am sorry please forgive me and always remember only the good days .

I am trying to remember it till i found it in the bloody red that cover my hand , Now i see you like always the angel i used to love .