Wednesday, 29 December 2010

الحالمون


في ناس لسة عايشة الوهم ان في حب و علاقة و جواز في عالم الجاي
انا مومن ان في حب في سعات و في سعات تاني بقول لا دا بس تغيرات في الجسم و العقل و اي كلام ممكن الانسان يحس بيها لو كل شويا شكولاتة كتير
المشكله با ان لحد دلوات مش شوفت حد ارتبط و كمل
اكتر علاقة شوفتها مش كملت السنة
يعني تعتبر لعب عيل
تفتكروا يبا في حب حقيقي و جواز و بيت ممكن الاتنين يعيشوا فيه مع بعض
و كل متكلم واحد من الجاي يقولك الناس حتبص ازاي علي كدة
اهلك حيفقوا
طب حتعمل ايه لو الموضوع لاظ بعد كدة
حتعيش لوحدك
في واحد قالي ان الحياة للجاي في الكبر ماساة ووحدة حقيقة
مش مقتنع بالكلام دا لحد دلوات
بس مين عارف

الحاجة التاينة با ليه الواحد في سعات بيكون عاوز يرتبط باي شكل و لو الي قدامه قاله خلينا اصحاب يزعل و نفسيت تتعب ماه يعني اصحاب ممكن بعد كدة تبا حب و ممكن تلاقي الي فعلا بتحلم بيه لكن مش من اولها حب

في سعات بحس ان الناس الي بتحب علطول من غير فترة تعارف او صداقة دي بتلعب و تسلي نفسها و عاشان لما حد يسالها تبا بس ارتبطت قبل كدة كتر عدد هههههههههههه



Monday, 20 December 2010

زفت

في حاله نفسية زفت
من ايه مش عارف
الحياة بايت مليانة اوفر اوي
حتي الحاجات الجديدة مش عاوز اعملها و لا عاوز افكر في اي حاجة جديدة
من كام يوم الموبيل ضاع
و بعديها المحفظة ضاعت
حاسس ان في حاجة غلط بش مش عارف ايه هيا
الايام دي با حاسس ان في حاجة غلط بالقوي
بس ايه هيا مش عارف
يا ريت اي حاجة تحصل و اخلص با

Tuesday, 7 December 2010

ضحكة


في قهوة في اسكندرية مش فاكر اسمها المهم كنت قاهد مع واحد صحبي هناك و بنتكل
و انا الطبيعي بتاعي بضحك و اتكلم و منفض للحياة كلها
في سلك نازل من العمارة الي انا ساند ضهري عليها فابلعب بيه و بهزه , بس مكنش اعرف ان السلك طويل و مرمي ليه طرف تاني
الطرف التاني دا با راح خابط في واحد في الطربيظة الي جنبنا
الرد الفعل الطبيعي اني اعتذرت لكن الي مش طبيعي انه قولي ضحتك حلوة اوي
وش احمر و بسيت لشادي و مش عرفت اقول ايه


في الشغل با قاعد بشتغل زي الناس
مش عارف مين الي فاتح موضوح الجواز و العيال و الهبل دا
و لما جي الكلام علي اني مش متجوز و لا مرتبط روحت ضاحك
قالي الي يقول لولا اني متجوز كنت اتجوزتك و اتقلب الموضوع من الجواز و العيال و الحياة الصعبة
الي ضحكتي الحلوة و غضب ربنا الي حينزل علي الاوضه من الفجر الي فيها ههههههههههه

a new day


What I can say it is a totally messy week , My cell phone is gone but I got a new one , The only good thing I got from that situation is I only recover the friends I want and sure the list of them will be too short :D .

The second thing is what happened today when I was out today . It was funny thing , I know he is a gay from first look but he keep asking me about stupid things , Make me feel like I am a totally stranger about everything around , He said he like to cook everything and know how to make most of juice and keep talking about stupid things blablabla , But the funny thing when he asked me about my number I give him a false one did not feel comfortable for give him the true one , Specially when I felt lies came out of his mouse . He was just a gay guy wanna to have sex with anyone , What a shame , He waste his time with me .
The funny thing he said was about his friend Toto who he removed his no. just because he did not answer his calls , From our talking felt like he is empty one , going without aim in life .

Sometime I like to meet a new type of people thought it because of my study , when I meet them I found a new way of thinking a new way of life.

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

vocation


I thought it will be a good vocation , i do not know what destiny hide for me , I phoned him two weeks ago for arrange what we will do in the holidays .
At the first night we made love as we never did before , But when i went out of shower , i saw him cry like a baby wanna his ma .
I thought it was for something stupid i did .
At the second night , He refuse to make any kind of love even such a small kiss , NOP , I do not why and his treat with me changed completely why , For what reason , What i did to deserve all this treatment , We became like strangers live in the same flat , Share the same bed , We not become lovers anymore .
At night , I woke up as usually , Looking for him in the flat , Did not found him , But i found that letter from the time i saw it , I felt there is something wrong .

Sorry my love , I made a two mistakes and i will punish myself because i deserve it , It is time to die in the time you will read it i will be in the first place i saw you trying to die . Last week after our fight , I was in mess dunno what to do so i just caught a boy from Al -tahrir and we spent the night together after that i did not feel okay , So i make aids test and all that time waiting for the result and only know it after our sex yesterday , I am sorry please forgive me and always remember only the good days .

I am trying to remember it till i found it in the bloody red that cover my hand , Now i see you like always the angel i used to love .

Monday, 15 November 2010

hard quastion


Why making sex between gays like a forbidden thing , Some people do not do it because of their religion , their idea of doing it or whatever .
ya , whatever in there mind that control them , it is forbidden , and they all hate people who do it , Why they all hate them , Why they can not deal with who do it .
But now , I want do it , But I only think about how I will look like after it , How I will see myself in the mirror after .

Is it right to do with someone who I have feeling for him or just wait for the one who sound forget our meeting .

When I saw an English movie and how they start dating there and how making love came in 3 or 4 date .

So why here it is like that , I hate question like that , Which I can not answer I think I need time to know for which team I will join , but I think I will be member of the second one ;)
.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

كل ما الحكي


كل ما الحكي بطول اكتر بتقول بتصير
معقول تحكي الصحيح

كل ما الحكي بطول اكتر بتقول بتصير
معقول تحكي تمام

كل ما الحكي ببان لو كيف ما كنا بتصير
انسان حكيو صريح

كل ما الحكي ببان لو كيف ما كنا بتصير
انسان طالب سلام

ما تفكر بدي انشا مسوده
كل يلي بدي صدق الكلام

نفسا اخبارك طوشت اسرارك
قلي بنهارك بوقت تنام

كا ما الحكي بروح بتصر تبوح بتصير
مبحوح عامل فصح

كل ما الحكي بروح بتصر تبوح بتصير
مبحوح زي الحمام

كل ما الحكي يزيد ويصير يزيد
ببقا معك عم بسمعك

وحدي انا عم بسمعك
وقلبي دليلي كل الدليل


Monday, 1 November 2010

change

dunno what i shall do here , it is not matter of life or death .
but it is my own life , so , i have to figure out any solution for it .
i think i need something new , love , sex , whatever how it come or what the results are .
just any change in my gay boring life

Saturday, 30 October 2010

no pain , no gain


There is sometime , I can not take an action . When , I know I can lose something , I do not want to lose .
In work , I am afraid to take a day off , because Fatima my supervisor do not like that , but i know sooner or later I will change the company I work for .
Even in love life , I am not sure that I am in love with him , So I did not tell him till now . I think I am afraid of losing him as a friend .
I am a chicken , believe in something , but do not do it .
what is that fuck ?!
Tomorrow , I need to make interview at other company , So that is the difficult in that , Only i am afraid of her .
I think I do not like to lose something i have , As it is mine .



Saturday, 23 October 2010

ha

People care about who about their self , not about who care about them


This statement was my favorite in the movie , But I did not believe in it till now , Till I really see some people when I care about they not even try to ask about how I am , Just hi , And treat me as the one who solve their problem , not even more , once you cared and helped them , They gone again . Till the next problem , And somehow when I have one , I did not find them to ask , talk .
I think they are not friends , and shame on me to treat them as that .
So , I only will care about myself , will not think about them , they sooner or later will disappear and will not show again .so , why I lose my power , my energy for people do not deserve that , ha , why ?!
I have friends who care and I know that .why I do not treat them as well , afraid to lose them and then I will have nothing .
Shall I treat people as they treat me , or treat them as I am . Not wait for reaction or respond
I am not a god , I am a human , wanna feel back that I do good , and gain good back , like karma .

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

مرت ساعات


لقد جاءته الازمة لابد ان اتي باحد لنجدته
كيف ؟! فقد اغلق الباب كالمعتاد و لن استطيع الخروج
ساقف في الشباك و انادي البواب او احد المارة عسي ان ينقذي و ينقذه احدهم
يا عم سعيد انقذي فقد جاءته الازمة و لابد من اسعافه
يا عم سعيد اتي سريعا انقذه رجاء
يا ايها السعيد التعس لقد مرت ساعات و انا اناديك انجدني اتوسل اليك فقد مات سيدي


سعيد : سيبك منه خليه يهوهو لحد ميزها نفسي افهم هيا الكلاب دي مش ببتعب

Saturday, 2 October 2010

تفتكر


انت حبتني بجد
اكيد
امال ليه سبتني لما كنت عاوزك جانبي
مش سيبك بس مش كنت اقدر
ليه يعني , امال بتحبي ازاي
انت عاوز تعمل سكس و انا مش عاوز , كنت عاوزني اعملك ايه
تساعدني تقف جانبي
اساعدك ازي و انتا دايما الي شخصيتك قوية عاوز الصراحة خفت لامشي وراك و انتا عارف ان السكس دا اخرته وحشه
علشان ربنا يعني و النار , طب ماديني دخلتها برضه فرقت ايه يعني
فرقت اني مش معاك
انت اناني , خفت علي نفسك و سبتني لنفسي تتعذب في الدنيا و اه في الاخرة كمان
لا انا مش اناني ,بس بخاف ربنا
و لما كنت بتمسك ايدي و تقولي بحبك مكنتش بتخاف منه
كنت بخاف بس دا مش سكس
و النبي
اه
تفتكر لو كنت سيبتك و اهتميت بنفسي و مشيت ورا احساسي كان حالي حيبا ايه
مش عارف بس اكيد كنت حتفضل عايش
تفتكر كان ممكن يسامحني
لا علشان دي كبيرة , انتا عاوز تعمل سكس و تهز عرشه
مديني انتحرت و زعلته برضه
كدة احسن
عاوز اقولك كلمة اخيرا قبل مامشي
قول
انا ندمان علي كل لحظة قضتها معاك

Thursday, 23 September 2010

ANNABEL LEE


It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of ANNABEL LEE;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea;

But we loved with a love

that was more than love-

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud,chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsman came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

Went envying her and me-

Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we-

Of many far wiser than we-

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but

I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide,

I lie down by the side

Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,

In the sepulchre there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Monday, 6 September 2010

uncle

do you know , sometime when you feel you gonne to lose someone you love .
someone you gonne to miss

to miss his smile

to miss his conversation

to miss his love

to miss all of him
because of his death
always do not care about death
do not care about who die or who live

it just a game and a gate to another world
so why we hate it , why we scare when it comes
i hate it because he will take him from me
now when i think about him , i remember all far memories .
that all what i have , some memories , good and bad
i will miss you , wait me there

Friday, 27 August 2010

Ali's death


He passed my way .

It was the first time to see him with all that sadness , It was the day will never forget to anyone in this village .

That day when Ali died , Ali was a nice man came to our village many years ago to teach us the religion Islamic one .

He was a good looking man , came with some people , I know after that they working for alazhar , Guess they start working late because of the language , They came without even know the language we speak .

After days their school had opened , They not active like Christians , They do not know how to get people with them , How to make them self under spots , The villages do not care about them at all , As they do not even came .

After a while they begin to give up and back to their county .

Except one called Ali he stayed , And begin to have his own work and land , But their is something strange about him , He never ever look at any woman , First we thought it is because of Islam , But how secret like that keep a secret in some county like our village .

One day he was going to swim in the river and saw other men there , He begin to take a look without any sound till they finished but he did not know that there are some other people following him , Or we can say that there are someone following him since he arrived to the village
when he turned back he saw him , He was the prince , That what we call him .

The prince was wired as Ali , He also did not marry at all , Even with all women who come everyday to have seen , He did not .

But since Muslim was here his life change at all , He begin to learn Arabic and Islam , None was knowing the secret of that till the day we saw a really wired thing happen in the main tent , I till now can no remove this picture from my head .

Actually not only me who can not remove it , How can you remove the picture of two men kissed each other , How , Tell me , I will be yours forever just tell me how ?!
Anyway , Ya , They kissed each other in front of all people they do not care about us or about how we react .

We till now do not know what happened in that meeting with Ali , Prince and the king , Our king and his father .

just what we all know the next day , there was a big wedding for the prince and a woman , do not know from where she came or which village she belong anyway just the wedding and the seven month after till his son came to the life the king had his grandson .
what we do not know else when the prince and Ali built that tent out of the village or when the prince moved there .

Do not know shall i continue the story or shall i stop here with that happy ending , I know life is not fair , And i guess you know the happy ending is not the real ending it just the beginning .
I will continue not because of you , only because of my promise .

A few days later , We know that there are some people Egyptians looking for someone came here and left behind with a group from Alazhar , So , I guess they looking for Ali , but if he stayed here with his will , So why they looking for him .

I went to the city and looking for them to meet . And ya , I met them , And what a story i know this day .

His name is Ahmed , And he escaped from his house in Cairo after a big fight with his father , I know his father wanna him marry . And they know from his friends in collage that he came here and stayed . They asked me if i know him or know anything about him , I said no , And left .
In this meeting i saw only his father and his brother , He was clam and quiet all the meet

In my way home , I met his brother , And talked a lot , Told me about his brother , Ali , The gay brother who just came out for two years now , And he just could not take it anymore , Could not see the pain he made to his father , His mother , His family and his friends , Ya he told his friends too , And the people in Egypt hate gays .

So , He just came here to begin a new life without any bad feeling , Without hating , Without angry , Without love , Just to live the life.

All that was okay for year and half , Till that Shikh showed up , My father told him about my brother and he advise him to kill him as Islam says , To kill him to make GOD happy . What a shit .

Anyway , All family tried to stop my father , But they could not and here where are , Following Ahmed to kill him .

" Why i feel you know him ? , Please if you know where my brother is , Tell him to run .
and tell him that , I love him even when he is gay " .And he started crying , He tried to hide it , But noway .

When i back to the village , First thing i did , I went to Ali tent and told him everything in front of the prince .

Dunno why i felt like the prince know all of that shit before , Ali asked me where i met his brother and asked me to show him the way .

The next day , We back to his brother , By the way , His name was Samy , The two brother set together and told each other what happened with him and cried many times .

They promised each other to meet everyday till Samy back to Cairo .

They met many times later , Some i was there , Other i was not .

All i know next is that , The father show in the village one day with Samy , And went to Ali , The funny thing , All villagers followed them to the tent , And there happened what Shikh want to happen , The father killed ali and he tried to kill samy to because he was sorry for ali , Actually samy surprised .

When the prince back and know what happened , He went to the mad , Started pushing things and dropping other .

After time , He went to Samy and asked him what happened , He told hin that they came here to see Ali after father drop the killing idea out of his mind but sound that father just playing with them only to kill him and he wanted to kill me too when i tried to stop him and help Ali to run away .

The prince cried on my shoulders , And I promised him to tell everybody his story and help him with anything .

The prince did not love anyone till now , And always asked about Samy and phoned him, And asked about how was Ali's childhood , He did not forget him , and will not .

And father , Dunno what happened with him , After police came and took him , But he did not back home again .

About me , i am trying to find gays in Egypt and help them online with Samy , Hope one days they have rights to show up and live their life as anyone do .
As I am stayed in the village . One day me and th e prince will go to Egypt and see where Ali lived

Hope one days they have rights to show up and live their life as anyone do .

Saturday, 31 July 2010

the arrivals


the arrivals i just finished it .
it was a nice film even with it is long timeeeeeeeeeeeee
it open some doors to get in . some ideas to discuss .
the only comment i have it was silly to have its evidences from some movies , ya movies like matrix and lord of rings , what a fuck is that , shall i get the ideas and imagination of some writers as evidence for some conspiracies .
do you ?

Thursday, 29 July 2010

the coming out night


He was just a boy , when his brother kissed him . it was his first kiss and the one he can not have again .

After this kiss , his brother made love with him , the naughty sex as he used to see in that porno movies he download by torrent , he was so young to have money to buy it , even when he mush older now , he do not spot download it by free :)
anyway till this moment , he imagined that night with all its details when he masturbated .

The day after his brother can not remember anything about that magnificent night ,he can not even remember how he back home , because he did it all when he was totally drunk .

But what about me now , does i shall remove it from my mind , forget it , oh i can not .
Does anyone can forget his first kiss , does anyone can forget his first night .
How , i can not imagine that .

Can i tell my brother about it , i know he is totally straight , can he accept it , and love me back , or he as i can see will refuse it and never talk to me again .
NO , he back home , and slept that is all .

About me , i will dream about it , i will try to see anyone i with as him .
I hope i pass this night soon , today i will meet that new guy i chatted with .
I need someone to tell him about it , so i just meet him last month in yahoo chat .
He was nice with me , i told him all about me , for sure except my real name and address .
He was gay so i told him everything freely , and he advised me a lot , he was older than me and placed next to me .
What a shame , that is why i did not tell him anything about me . i think that was for good .

Just a little moments now , and will meet him , there is something between us , he said it to me before asked to meet .

OH MY GOD , i think i just seen my brother entered that cafe , hope he go out soon , till now i stayed out side the cafe for half an hour , and he did not go out .

Oh i get a massage from him " i will go now , you was late, see you "
Do i wait to see him out or go home now
Wait there is none out except my brother .

After a while of imagine what will happen when he open the door , he entered and see me totally naked , i can see it in his eyes , ya , he wanna me , wanna me hardly

And all i say " sorry for not meeting you at the cafe "
begin to cry and hag me , i cried myself too .

boring life



i get bored from everything even my friends , feel sick just wanna i been when with them . think i wanna to change most of them or all of them . i think it is life , people change so friendship too . i changed too , i think i turned to a bad person , why ? watching a lot of porno stuff this days , i do not used to seen it , feeling bad and sorry for that .
.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

remove


why i am so scared of remove people accounts that i will never talking to in my FB , i hate that feeling , but ya i do not like to make that . but i begin to do it anyway :)
i used to be friendly with people , since i wanna some i think i will never to talk with , like yesterday i talked with guy wanna to talk with me about his mother , what that shit , what i will do with his mother :D
I know people always do this " i mean removing accounts not the mother issue " , I just begin with it from a week now in all my accounts :p
And will see , will have some little peace with it or not

Sunday, 11 July 2010

كلام جانبي


قررت اني مش حقابل اي حد جديد و لا قديم مش عارف بس العلاقات علي النت بتبا احسن كتيررررررررررر لما بتتطور اكتر من كدة بحس انها بايت رخمة ممكن علشان مدة قليلة اوي الي علي النت مع انها و لا قليلة و لا حاجة
....................
هو صحيح لازم كل واحد يكون علي الاقل بيتكلم في السكس مع حد معين بصراحة و لا عادي في ناس مش بتكلم خالص فيه حتي مع نفسها
و لا يعني يبا احسن لو في لكلكة في الموضوع دا مع اي حد معين
الي اعرفه من خلال درستي ان اي حاجة الانسان بيتكلم فيها يبا اريح نفسيا له بس انا مش بعرف خالص .
اه مش بعرف
اتكلم في السكس وشي بيحمرو اضحك غير كدة لا
مش بعرف اتكلم فيه مش متخيل نفسي بتكلم فيه حتي
هو صحيا اه الكلام فيه احسن طبعا بس لو اتكلمت فيه مع حد اكيد و لا حقابله خالصصصصصصصصصصصصصصص طول عمري و حيبا علاقة نت صرف و حكون بكلمه علي اساس كدة
و انا مش عاوز كدة

Saturday, 10 July 2010

الصديق


مش عارف ليه المرادي عاوز اكتب بالعربي بس اه تغيررررررررررررررررررر اول مرة اتكلم معه لا و ايه مقنع اقنعني اني الطريقة الي بتعرف بيها علي الناس غلط لاني كدة استحاله قالي الي بدور عليه سواء صديق او حبيب علي اساسا اني مش بحب اتكلم في السكس و لا بدور علي حد يعمل معايا سكس . لازم علشان ادور صح اني ادور علي صديق و يعمل سكس و سعتها حتلاقي الصديق الي بدور عليه و لو العلاقة كملت يبا سعتها بات حب مش عارف ليه مش مقتنع بالكلام دا ممكن علشان انا مؤمن ان طلاما السكس دخل في الموضوع من الاول با اساسي في الموضوع و سعتها ممكن الواحد يتغاضي عن حاجات كتير بس علشانه علشان السكس
بس هل سعتها حبا مبسوط و انا بعمل كدة و انا معاه و لا بس هيا الكام دقيقة بتوع السرير و حتمني انه يختفي من قدامي
اكيد مش حيختفي .
لا انا مقتنع بالطريقة بتاعي و لسة مقتنع بيها و مش حغيرها لايت الي بدور عليه كويس
مقليتوش مش مشكله كفاية النت و اصحابي و خلاص في ناس مقدر لها انا مش تلاقي الي بتدور عليه عادي زي الملكة العذراء الي لايت حبها الاول و الاخير و بعد كدة قررت انها تتخلي عن حياتها كلها و توهب نفسها لانجلترا انا معنديش مانع اني اوهب نفسي لنفسي و حياتي و بس لكن اني اعمل سكس مع اي حد صحبي او اي حد اتعرف عليه يبا انزل الشارع احسن و اقف تحت عمود و استني اي عربية تقف لكن للاسف انا ولا بتاع كدة و لا بحب اعمل كدة
انا كفاية عليا اصحابي :)
كمان الي يقولك انه عايش في وحدة دا يبا كداب ايوا كداب اي حد لو سافر يومين اسكندرية و قافل موبيله حيحس بالوحدة الوحدة احنا الي بنعملها و احنا الي بننهيها باي حاجة هواية اصدقاء اي حاجة ممكن تكسر الوحدة دي الا الاستسلام دي الحاجة الوحيدة الي حتجيبلك اكتاب مش احساس بالوحدة و بس علشان كدة مستغرب اوي من الي يقولك لا اصدقاء مش كفاية لازم ادور علي حبيب و يدور و قلبه ينكسر كتير كل دا علشان مستعجل و بيدور غلط او زي مقولت بيدخل الحب الي المفروض انه مشاعر بالسكس الي المفروض انه غريزة حيوانية
فيها ايه لما يدور علي صديق و بس مش غير حاجة خلاص حيتعب و لا هو خلاص دون خوان الي لازم يوري الشباب انه خلاص فلانتينو
بجد احسن حاجة الصديق

Friday, 9 July 2010

furtue


It is my first time to being afraid from the future , I give me a headache .
All the time i was young , I was totally planed person , Make a plan for everything in the future ,Do not think i am an organized man , Me , Totally far away from that ,But make plan for everything can possibility happened , And that what i can not now , I totally play with chance and pray for good luck , Hate that .
If i just can to see the future .

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

contol or safety


last night , i was checking my reader to see if there is new posts to read or not , i see the iyads' , it was about talking about some days he spent in Alex. , and he referring to some names and some happening stuff there , after i read it , i talked to a Friend , i told him this post will be removed after awhile , because of some of them will never accept that and as i thought , ya it is removed i do not why they push him to remove it , it is his blog and i think the only fault he made was using the real name of them , but it is still he blog , the blogger write to expires them self , and write what they can not told people about when they be sad or happy , it is a free space , thanks god , the few people know about the blog , so i write what i want as i want it to be , i was just but the link for my blog in the FB profile but i just remove it , i do not want to find someone control me or what i am write , i am a free bird sing what i want , i do not like to be controlled , i think i can if someone try , it will be the end for him with me .

Monday, 5 July 2010

اجيال


بايت حاسس ان البلوجرز الجاي العرب عاملين زي الممثليين كذا جيل و كذا اسلوب فيه الجيل القديم الي انا اتعرفت علي اغلبهم عصفور و اليكس و كريم .
و الجيل الجديد الي اتمني انه يفضل يكمل لانه بجد بيمثل الصوت المحترم للجاي و الشكل الي المفروض الناس كلها تشوفنا بيه
جيل اياد و علوش
و في الايكونات الي ملهاش جيل و لا زمن زي كريم عزمي
بجد هما دول الي المفروض الناس تتعامل معاهم و تتعرف علي الجاي من خلالهم مش عن طريق واحد كل الي همه شهوته الجنسية يفضيها ازاي و مع مين و فين بجد بايت حاجة تقرف

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

gun should buy


why there is no pure relation depend on love , is that so hard or difficult to find , everyone looking for his own Business , do not care about others or their feeling , just i wanna you that for me please , and please don't call me again till i call you back , okay i just do not care about you , or your fucking life how do you do ?
i have my own life , why shall i share it with you , i have friends to share , you are nothing you just a need time friend .
wanna make a headache to me , do not even think in sharing you feeling with me , i do not care about your sadness .
do you wanna kill yourself , feeling life not fair enough with you , are you despair , okay , i can buy you a gun , go ahead

Friday, 25 June 2010

Khalid


Dunno what all the foolish that just like that appear in Egypt ,everybody work harder to show he is the most fool , i think there is a competition and i do not know .
since Khalid was killed in Alex. , and sound that is the deadly mistake the Egyptian government did .
All the political movements try to find its way in this festival .
I think all of them wanna to catch anything the youth can be get from the system here in Egypt
, and from all the wonder in the world i wonder why this issue the top of all in the Egyptian society not like the other , the government can not control it and when i tried to finished it , it played stupidly and not fair made itself like the what , bitch ya like bitch , does it can not handle with it like other or what , if it busy because of elections , so for me , the next year it Al-Watni win in it , it will the end .
ya , the end the people so tired and none looking after them except some people wanna Revolution and it will be like a hill opening his mouth to take it all and nothing but all .
it will totally chaos but not a creative one , it will be the one that finish it all

Saturday, 19 June 2010

my birthday


Since i was young , I always know what to do maybe .
Maybe i do not know what to do now .
It is my first time to feel alone , sad , wanna cry .
I just back home from my sister wedding .
It is my first time , wanna something i can not get .
When i went with them to their home , i feel like i will never be in my own home with my lover , with the one who i only care about in my all life time .
Does i shell wait for him , or just say yes for anyone says " i wanna be with you , i will be you sweet dream " , but no , i do not feel him as a dream , he just a nightmare , ya nightmare you will wake me up with your life kiss .
Ya , i will love that nightmare , will live in it all my life time waiting for you , i know you will come one day .
That day will be the life i dream about , will be my birthday

Sunday, 13 June 2010

شوؤن صغيرة



تمر بها أنت .. دون التفات

تساوي لدي حياتي

جميع حياتي..

حوادث .. قد لا تثير اهتمامك

أعمر منها قصور

وأحيا عليها شهور

وأغزل منها حكايا كثيرة

وألف سماء..

وألف جزيرة..

شؤون ..

شؤونك تلك الصغيرة

فحين تدخن أجثو أمامك

كقطتك الطيبة

وكلي أمان

ألاحق مزهوة معجبة

خيوط الدخان

توزعها في زوايا المكان

دوائر.. دوائر

وترحل في آخر الليل عني

كنجم، كطيب مهاجر

وتتركني يا صديق حياتي

لرائحة التبغ والذكريات

وأبقي أنا ..

في صقيع انفرادي

وزادي أنا .. كل زادي

حطام السجائر

وصحن .. يضم رمادا

يضم رمادي..

وحين أكون مريضة

وتحمل أزهارك الغالية

صديقي.. إلي

وتجعل بين يديك يدي

يعود لي اللون والعافية

وتلتصق الشمس في وجنتي

وأبكي .. وأبكي.. بغير إرادة

وأنت ترد غطائي علي

وتجعل رأسي فوق الوسادة..

تمنيت كل التمني

صديقي .. لو أني

أظل .. أظل عليلة

لتسأل عني

لتحمل لي كل يوم

ورودا جميلة..

وإن رن في بيتنا الهاتف

إليه أطير

أنا .. يا صديقي الأثير

بفرحة طفل صغير

بشوق سنونوة شاردة

وأحتضن الآلة الجامدة

وأعصر أسلاكها الباردة

وأنتظر الصوت ..

صوتك يهمي علي

دفيئا .. مليئا .. قوي

كصوت نبي

كصوت وارتطام النجوم

كصوت سقوط الحلي

وأبكي .. وأبكي ..

لأنك فكرت في

لأنك من شرفات الغيوب

هتفت إلي..

ويوم أجيء إليك

لكي أستعير كتاب

لأزعم أني أتيت لكي أستعير كتاب

تمد أصابعك المتعبة

إلى المكتبة..

وأبقي أنا .. في ضباب الضباب

كأني سؤال بغير جواب..

أحدق فيك وفي المكتبة

كما تفعل القطة الطيبة

تراك اكتشفت؟

تراك عرفت؟

بأني جئت لغير الكتاب

وأني لست سوى كاذبة

.. وأمضى سريعا إلى مخدعي

أضم الكتاب إلى أضلعي

كأني حملت الوجود معي

وأشعل ضوئي .. وأسدل حولي الستور

وأنبش بين السطور .. وخلف السطور

وأعدو وراء الفواصل .. أعدو

وراء نقاط تدور

ورأسي يدور ..

كأني عصفورة جائعة

تفتش عن فضلات البذور

لعلك .. يا .. يا صديقي الأثير

تركت بإحدى الزوايا ..

عبارة حب قصيرة ..

جنينة شوق صغيرة

لعلك بين الصحائف خبأت شيا

سلاما صغيرا .. يعيد السلام إليا ..

وحين نكون معا في الطريق

وتأخذ - من غير قصد - ذراعي

أحسن أنا يا صديق ..

بشيء عميق

بشيء يشابه طعم الحريق

على مرفقي ..

وأرفع كفي نحو السماء

لتجعل دربي بغير انتهاء

وأبكي .. وأبكي بغير انقطاع

لكي يستمر ضياعي

وحين أعود مساء إلى غرفتي

وأنزع عن كتفي الرداء

أحس - وما أنت في غرفتي -

بأن يديك

تلفان في رحمة مرفقي

وأبقي لأعبد يا مرهقي

مكان أصابعك الدافئات

على كم فستاني الأزرق ..

وأبكي .. وأبكي .. بغير انقطاع

كأن ذراعي ليست ذراعي..

Thursday, 3 June 2010

a dream


It was just a dream , A dream i dreamed remember it till this moment in details , setting on mt pc , writing for someone , i know him very well , but the problem i even do not know his e-mail in real life , all i know , when i wake up i will find his adding request .
We spent nights talking about anything and everything , i am so stupid that i do not figure how romantic he is and i make him loved me .
We stop talking after he found that i am down to earth can not love someone without meet him in real life .

THE PROBLEM , now we started talking again , i am afraid to break his heart again , ya , i am in love with him , but i can not tell him that till we meet and maybe not in our first .
Shall i tell him , and after awhile break up , and lose everything even our friendship which i glad to be his ?!

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

thieves


When i know someone , and call him as a friend , that is mean i trust him , i trust every word he say .
What i accept when i know that you trusted him many times . i think that is mean , i shall trust him too , or i am wrong .
You are honest , good , nice person , i thought him too .
I dunno he is thief , dunno you know thief , dunno you trust thieves .
Now , the big question , shall i know you anymore.

Saturday, 22 May 2010

Do not care


What if , one day you just figure it out you do not have friends , all you have some mates .
What if one day , you feeling lonely and need someone to talk , someone to share , but he do not exist yet .
What if , you just thinking in one do not exist in that world , he only in your dream world .
Looking for some memory to share but there is no memory , what you will do when you turn come to share your memory with them , your mates .
What you will say , sorry , i do not have any fackin memory to share as i am a lonely man do not have friends to create memory together , or you will just imagine some of it and tell them a good story about you and them . do not even think to answer i do not care .
Just in this moment i believe ya we live in material world , there is no such a stupid thing called felling , what that mean you feel , sorry do not get it .
None care about what you feel , he just need something from you , and you will give it to him , not because you care or love him noooooooo , if you imagine that then you do not get it yet and deserve what happen , you will just do it because you wanna something back , now Are you understand , are not you ?
Now , and just now , i think i am ready to go with you . i hate that place and wanna live here anymore , in this world


Thursday, 13 May 2010

Alice in wonderland


Alice and the hatter , what about the imposable love , some people we like them and ya love them but not as a lovers or partners , just friends , why some people insist to be something more than that , maybe i like you as a friends but no more because of your shape , your age , maybe because i do not think at all i love , or sex , just wanna making friends and focus on my life , my work .
might i think that i do not be ready for true one love , might i have a full life that i think i will be confused .
for me i thinks being friends is mush batter than lovers or partners , might i am wrong , might i am right , but the way i see it , and i like it .
at the end of the movie Alice in wonder land which i saw as a present of my B day , i like all the movie except the white queen i hate it , anyway the hatter loves Alice all the time but he too old for her , but she refused him as she need time to find answers , life the live and the sad look in his eye , i cried when i seen it and he accepted that , and that what i like he know she telling the truth and he can not be with her .

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

the new version


Dunno , why gays all the history wanna be something great , wanna be gods , remember for ever , write their name in history by golden pen none can erase it . gays like Achilles , Alexander the great , Da vanci , but what we are talking about that is the old version of gays .

now there is the new one , who has no hope at all in life , just wanna to live , and find whatever their looking for sex , love , whatever like the new one i find in fb all his aim and goal to increase the no. of his members group .
dunno what to say , are that change in aims and goals from old to now , because of the freedom they had or the faster life we life now , control us too much that none can thing in something far away his next step
i am just wonder how we afraid of coming out and in the past we wanna all world knowing about us forever

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

like hell

it is my first time , to be in shock he told me ' i love you , i adore you '
it is my first to can not answer anyone .
it is my first time to feel like i what conning him .
it is my first time dunno who i should ask for advice .
who can tell me what i should do , what i can answer him .
what i can say , what i can do.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

ذكري


نفسي افهم مين الغبي الي قال ان الواحد يعيش علي ذكري كويسة احسن من عدمها لا عدمها احسن

عيشت علي ذكري كويسة و كل شويا افتكر با كل لحظة فيها و اتخيلها تاني ادامي و اعيش نفس الاحاسيس من تاني كل دا مع نفسي و فجاة اخ ياريتني كنت عملت كدة كان اليوم حيبا احسن و افضل با ياريت كنت قولت كدة يا ريت كنت عملت كدة
حاجة تخنق
لا عدمها احسن مفضل افتكر و اندم علي حاجات صعب انها تتغير هيا اه كويسة و بتبا ذكري كويسة بس مش حالجة حلوة اويييييييييي لدرجة ان الواحد يفضل يثول ذكري كويسة احسن من مفيش
بجد حاجة رخمة لما الواحد يكون داخل ينام و يسرح و يفتكر با و بدل ما يقوعد با فرحان و يفتكر و يضغط علي مخه علشان يفتكر حتي ريحة المكان لا يفتكر انه المفروض يصحي بدري علشان الشغل بكرة ساعتها بيلعن الذكري علي الي فكره بيها و يمكن كمان يلعن ولا بلاش :( .

بس برضه ذكري حلوة و حتفضل حلوة