the arrivals

the arrivals i just finished it .
it was a nice film even with it is long timeeeeeeeeeeeee
it open some doors to get in . some ideas to discuss .
the only comment i have it was silly to have its evidences from some movies , ya movies like matrix and lord of rings , what a fuck is that , shall i get the ideas and imagination of some writers as evidence for some conspiracies .
do you ?

the coming out night

He was just a boy , when his brother kissed him . it was his first kiss and the one he can not have again .

After this kiss , his brother made love with him , the naughty sex as he used to see in that porno movies he download by torrent , he was so young to have money to buy it , even when he mush older now , he do not spot download it by free :)
anyway till this moment , he imagined that night with all its details when he masturbated .

The day after his brother can not remember anything about that magnificent night ,he can not even remember how he back home , because he did it all when he was totally drunk .

But what about me now , does i shall remove it from my mind , forget it , oh i can not .
Does anyone can forget his first kiss , does anyone can forget his first night .
How , i can not imagine that .

Can i tell my brother about it , i know he is totally straight , can he accept it , and love me back , or he as i can see will refuse it and never talk to me again .
NO , he back home , and slept that is all .

About me , i will dream about it , i will try to see anyone i with as him .
I hope i pass this night soon , today i will meet that new guy i chatted with .
I need someone to tell him about it , so i just meet him last month in yahoo chat .
He was nice with me , i told him all about me , for sure except my real name and address .
He was gay so i told him everything freely , and he advised me a lot , he was older than me and placed next to me .
What a shame , that is why i did not tell him anything about me . i think that was for good .

Just a little moments now , and will meet him , there is something between us , he said it to me before asked to meet .

OH MY GOD , i think i just seen my brother entered that cafe , hope he go out soon , till now i stayed out side the cafe for half an hour , and he did not go out .

Oh i get a massage from him " i will go now , you was late, see you "
Do i wait to see him out or go home now
Wait there is none out except my brother .

After a while of imagine what will happen when he open the door , he entered and see me totally naked , i can see it in his eyes , ya , he wanna me , wanna me hardly

And all i say " sorry for not meeting you at the cafe "
begin to cry and hag me , i cried myself too .

boring life

i get bored from everything even my friends , feel sick just wanna i been when with them . think i wanna to change most of them or all of them . i think it is life , people change so friendship too . i changed too , i think i turned to a bad person , why ? watching a lot of porno stuff this days , i do not used to seen it , feeling bad and sorry for that .
.

remove

why i am so scared of remove people accounts that i will never talking to in my FB , i hate that feeling , but ya i do not like to make that . but i begin to do it anyway :)
i used to be friendly with people , since i wanna some i think i will never to talk with , like yesterday i talked with guy wanna to talk with me about his mother , what that shit , what i will do with his mother :D
I know people always do this " i mean removing accounts not the mother issue " , I just begin with it from a week now in all my accounts :p
And will see , will have some little peace with it or not

كلام جانبي

قررت اني مش حقابل اي حد جديد و لا قديم مش عارف بس العلاقات علي النت بتبا احسن كتيررررررررررر لما بتتطور اكتر من كدة بحس انها بايت رخمة ممكن علشان مدة قليلة اوي الي علي النت مع انها و لا قليلة و لا حاجة

....................

هو صحيح لازم كل واحد يكون علي الاقل بيتكلم في السكس مع حد معين بصراحة و لا عادي في ناس مش بتكلم خالص فيه حتي مع نفسها
و لا يعني يبا احسن لو في لكلكة في الموضوع دا مع اي حد معين
الي اعرفه من خلال درستي ان اي حاجة الانسان بيتكلم فيها يبا اريح نفسيا له بس انا مش بعرف خالص .

اه مش بعرف

اتكلم في السكس وشي بيحمرو اضحك غير كدة لا
مش بعرف اتكلم فيه مش متخيل نفسي بتكلم فيه حتي
هو صحيا اه الكلام فيه احسن طبعا بس لو اتكلمت فيه مع حد اكيد و لا حقابله خالصصصصصصصصصصصصصصص طول عمري و حيبا علاقة نت صرف و حكون بكلمه علي اساس كدة
و انا مش عاوز كدة

الصديق

مش عارف ليه المرادي عاوز اكتب بالعربي بس اه تغيررررررررررررررررررر اول مرة اتكلم معه لا و ايه مقنع اقنعني اني الطريقة الي بتعرف بيها علي الناس غلط لاني كدة استحاله قالي الي بدور عليه سواء صديق او حبيب علي اساسا اني مش بحب اتكلم في السكس و لا بدور علي حد يعمل معايا سكس . لازم علشان ادور صح اني ادور علي صديق و يعمل سكس و سعتها حتلاقي الصديق الي بدور عليه و لو العلاقة كملت يبا سعتها بات حب مش عارف ليه مش مقتنع بالكلام دا ممكن علشان انا مؤمن ان طلاما السكس دخل في الموضوع من الاول با اساسي في الموضوع و سعتها ممكن الواحد يتغاضي عن حاجات كتير بس علشانه علشان السكس

بس هل سعتها حبا مبسوط و انا بعمل كدة و انا معاه و لا بس هيا الكام دقيقة بتوع السرير و حتمني انه يختفي من قدامي

اكيد مش حيختفي .
لا انا مقتنع بالطريقة بتاعي و لسة مقتنع بيها و مش حغيرها لايت الي بدور عليه كويس مقليتوش مش مشكله كفاية النت و اصحابي و خلاص في ناس مقدر لها انا مش تلاقي الي بتدور عليه عادي زي الملكة العذراء الي لايت حبها الاول و الاخير و بعد كدة قررت انها تتخلي عن حياتها كلها و توهب نفسها لانجلترا انا معنديش مانع اني اوهب نفسي لنفسي و حياتي و بس لكن اني اعمل سكس مع اي حد صحبي او اي حد اتعرف عليه يبا انزل الشارع احسن و اقف تحت عمود و استني اي عربية تقف لكن للاسف انا ولا بتاع كدة و لا بحب اعمل كدة

انا كفاية عليا اصحابي :)

كمان الي يقولك انه عايش في وحدة دا يبا كداب ايوا كداب اي حد لو سافر يومين اسكندرية و قافل موبيله حيحس بالوحدة الوحدة احنا الي بنعملها و احنا الي بننهيها باي حاجة هواية اصدقاء اي حاجة ممكن تكسر الوحدة دي الا الاستسلام دي الحاجة الوحيدة الي حتجيبلك اكتاب مش احساس بالوحدة و بس علشان كدة مستغرب اوي من الي يقولك لا اصدقاء مش كفاية لازم ادور علي حبيب و يدور و قلبه ينكسر كتير كل دا علشان مستعجل و بيدور غلط او زي مقولت بيدخل الحب الي المفروض انه مشاعر بالسكس الي المفروض انه غريزة حيوانية
فيها ايه لما يدور علي صديق و بس مش غير حاجة خلاص حيتعب و لا هو خلاص دون خوان الي لازم يوري الشباب انه خلاص فلانتينو

بجد احسن حاجة الصديق

furtue

It is my first time to being afraid from the future , I give me a headache .
All the time i was young , I was totally planed person , Make a plan for everything in the future ,Do not think i am an organized man , Me , Totally far away from that ,But make plan for everything can possibility happened , And that what i can not now , I totally play with chance and pray for good luck , Hate that .
If i just can to see the future .

contol or safety

last night , i was checking my reader to see if there is new posts to read or not , i see the iyads' , it was about talking about some days he spent in Alex. , and he referring to some names and some happening stuff there , after i read it , i talked to a Friend , i told him this post will be removed after awhile , because of some of them will never accept that and as i thought , ya it is removed i do not why they push him to remove it , it is his blog and i think the only fault he made was using the real name of them , but it is still he blog , the blogger write to expires them self , and write what they can not told people about when they be sad or happy , it is a free space , thanks god , the few people know about the blog , so i write what i want as i want it to be , i was just but the link for my blog in the FB profile but i just remove it , i do not want to find someone control me or what i am write , i am a free bird sing what i want , i do not like to be controlled , i think i can if someone try , it will be the end for him with me .

اجيال

بايت حاسس ان البلوجرز الجاي العرب عاملين زي الممثليين كذا جيل و كذا اسلوب فيه الجيل القديم الي انا اتعرفت علي اغلبهم عصفور و اليكس و كريم .
و الجيل الجديد الي اتمني انه يفضل يكمل لانه بجد بيمثل الصوت المحترم للجاي و الشكل الي المفروض الناس كلها تشوفنا بيه جيل اياد و علوش
و في الايكونات الي ملهاش جيل و لا زمن زي كريم عزمي
بجد هما دول الي المفروض الناس تتعامل معاهم و تتعرف علي الجاي من خلالهم مش عن طريق واحد كل الي همه شهوته الجنسية يفضيها ازاي و مع مين و فين بجد بايت حاجة تقرف